sie ist ein modell und sie seht gut an

(monday, 9th of feb, 2009)

the song ‘model’ by kraftwerk is spinning round and round in my head at the moment. every time there’s no music playing in my immediate surroundings, those juttery, silky noises descend on my brain and start bouncing out their tune. in the shower when i couldn’t stop humming the mid-8 i suddenly wondered how many other songs have at one time or another occupied the same few square milimeters of brain flesh, or few billion neurons in my cortices. why do i always need one particular song to be in there, just waiting for the right moment of peace to leap out and prevent me from ever switching off? maybe i have an overactive brain that always needs to be repeating something so that it can learn it. i have a terrible fear of memory loss, because people always tell me that i don’t remember anything, and it seems like they’re right. maybe though, the reason that i don’t remember stuff is because my brain is always super busy repeating krautrock tunes or old conversations or possible future converstions or lectures, and it doesn’t have time to let what’s happening in my real, present life find a foothold in my memory.

i really need to see a fucking psychiatrist.